| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2003|05:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
I've neglected this journal...i never was much good at keeping track of my life. so i'm not going to do this anymore. i'll close the account...>.>;;;; if i can figure out how. ja. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 25th, 2003|03:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
I'm so sick of David. I get home, am quite happy and WAS having a fun time with my friends, and he yells at me for locking the door to my room. HELLO??? i was TOLD to because we have a thief living across from us! not to mention i dont want them in my stuff, and there's really no reason for me NOT to lock it. the only reason anybody cared today was because my grandfather needed to winterize it, and that i can understand. but the nerve of him yelling at me and telling me not to lock it ever?!?!? Decpite what he says he is NOT mightyer then the world. i'm sorry.
anyway, aside from that i'm happy. i got ALL of my b-day presents now and i am the proud owner of Episode Zero for Gundam Wing, i now own the ENTIRE Gundam Wing series AND i got the entire Weiss Krueze collection. it be happiness. and my friends at school are getting obsessed with Inu-Yasha. ~_~ it started with ONE wanting to read it and now there's a line waiting for the books. oi...
anyway. yeah. also, since i havent posted in a while, i have three new pets!! i have two new cats, Amber and Nacho, and a bird named Peaches! i wuv them all. anyway...i gotta go. i want to get dog kennels done so i can go out to my trailer. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 13th, 2003|05:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Florida came and went. it twas rather exausting. my favorite parts were the Japanese center at Epcot and Seaworld. i got a pet a dolphin. ^^ that was fun. i also learned how to write my name in japanese! now if only i could memorize it.......
my birthday was pretty good too. i thought everyone would forget cause we were on the trip but they didnt. my dad and stacie got me a really pretty cross necklace and diamond look alike earings. the nifty thing is all the medals are real. i have two types of gold and a sterling silver chain. they're really pretty. and my dad told me the KEWLEST story. it was something like this:(if you dont wnat to read skip down until the next break)
the story was about how he met me before i was born. when i was in my mom's womb she had some serious problems and i was almost born REALLY early. like...four or five months early. i would have died. he said that she got put in the hospital because of it and one night he was sleeping by her bed and had a dream. he said this girl came up to him, and she was about eighteen and pregnant, and he imediatly knew it was me. this was astonishing because the ultrasounds said i was a boy at that time. but he said that this girl came up, and he knew what had happened. she had gotten pregnant and ran away but decided to come back. she asked him if he'd love her still, even if this happened, and asked if she'd have a home. he said yes, but didnt really know why my mom wasnt there. aparently she smiled and said alright and that she'd see him in a few months and then she walked back into the woods. he told me that that girl is the girl i'm becoming, that she looked like me. he also said now that i'm not real close to my mom, he knows why she wasnt there. this story was the best birthday present i've ever recieved. it actually made me feel like i belong in the world, and i wasnt just a screw up. i cant help but wonder if it's a premonition. i hope not, cause i believe in the no sex till marriage thing but...yeah. that was the dream and it was wicked kewl.
as for life it'self, it's busy. i have TONS of work to make up for school, and right now a few things are crumbling beneath my feet but...yeah. nothing to exciting. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2003|03:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
i'm so happy! today was a good day...compared to what my week was last week. my friends gave me my b-day cards early (since i'll be gone) and that was happy. THEN Racheal told me to ask what my family's doing christmas eve cause if we're not doing anything i'm invited to her house! ^^ Racheal's become my best friend down here (nothing compared to my soulsisters but a good friend none the less) and her family sounds SO nifty. Her brother Witney's been to japan and aparently has TONS of Japanese stuff and sounds really kewl too and i'd get to meet him! and his wife Urina. she sounds SO cute. she's Russian and just moved to the U.S so she's having a hard time. Racheals mom had to go to Salt Lake to teach her how to use the grocery store and aparently she's waiting to learn how to use the washer right now. i just wanna glomp her! but...Racheal says's she's only about 5,1 and feels like you'll break her if you touch her to hard so glompings out. *pouts* oh well. anyway..yeah. the invite made me really happy and stuff considering NOBODY in her family's met me before except for Sara, her twin sister and another one of my friends but that's it. dunno what would make her parents invite me but they did so...wee! i'm done babbeling now.
Oh and passing a science quiz i didnt study for is a bonus. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2003|04:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed, ticked off, etc. | ] |
Life sucks and i dont know who or why but i've aparently ticked the heck out of one of the many gods fabricated by the human race.
My dogs got in another fight and one nearly got killed. her vet bill's $400 and i dont know what to do. i offered to pay for part of it but stacie wont let me. i suggested we send Carrie away, since she's the leading cause for all these dog fights recently and she's the one who nearly killed Catia, but again Stacie said know. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?!?!?!?
i dont know anymore. i dont know what to do for me, for the dogs, for my family for church for anything! i just want to give up and hide in a dark place never to see the world again.
then...i bet who ever reads this is sick of hearing all my bull ne? so i'll just shut up now.dont want to ruin anyone elses good day. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2003|03:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
Life's a roller coaster. it's just that simple.first life sent me that curve ball yesterday and completely obliterated the day and then today i got my reportcard. i'm SO happy about that! i got straight A's and i'm in mostly Honor Classes.
so...yeah. basically i cant decide if i should be happy or depressed.
not to mention Bangles' e-hugs and candy helped. ^_^ candy i'm quite sure makes the world go round. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2003|05:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
When you think everything in your life cant get any worse....
it inevitably will.
most say otherwise but they're liars. whats sad is i was actually starting to believe things were getting better. my parents moved me out into the trailer so now i have a mini apartment. it's cozy and i like it. I'm not stressing over all state choir anymore, which is good.
then i woke up this morning.
it wasnt all that bad to begin with. i got my chores done, got the dogs done and got ready with twenty minutes to spare so i came back into the house...and heard the dogs going nuts like they do when there's a dog fight. little Cricket had gotten on the other side of the fence and got between Caleb and Carrie(who's in heat) and so Caleb chewed her up. she's now on antibiotics and has four or five injuries that got glued shut at the vets.
and right after i found one of our Pomerianians, sparkle, dead in her kennel.
she wasnt my dog, and she wasnt my favorite but she was one of our tiny dogs that i liked. she was an idiot when she was around Krista but she was pretty cute otherwise. and she's just dead. plain and simple. we dont even know why until her autopsy comes back.
i can still see her this morning...
today was not a good day and the bad things in life are multiplying. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 23rd, 2003|04:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  surprised | ] |
i'm so weirded out. i'm now dubbed 'the innocent' in my yearbook class.
how the heck did i get that name in the first place?? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 8th, 2003|03:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | angry | ] |
I've hit that edge, and let me tell you, it's a long fall to the bottem and your welcoming party is a dozen or more jagged, sharp rocks that peirce your soul and tear your heart apart. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2003|03:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
I never thought i could actually hate someone. i'm not talking about the strong dislike 'i'm not talking to you' hate. i'm talking about HATE hate. the type of hate where you just cant win, the type where you go to bed crying at night because you cant help it. just pure, simple undeluted hate.
My siblings are pushing me towards that edge. i'm so dangerously close right now i'm afaid of falling. and i'm scared. nothing helps anymore. and it's just two of my six siblings that are pushing me towards this. Naze? WHY must the continue to push me? i've tried being nice. i've tried being the only type of bigsister i know how to. it's not enough. nothing is. three times in the last week alone i have been told i do not belong in this family, that this house that i have known as home for the past year is not my home. They have also told me that i am not part of this family, they've lived here longer after all ne? how am i supposed to respond to things like this? I cant do it alone and so i've tried telling my dad and stepmother. Stacie is defensive towards her kids, as she should be considering she birthed them. I know i am second in her eyes, but still it hurts when nothing is done. i've also told my dad. he understands, but tells me to not let it show, to not cry. i cant help it anymore. i've tried,but it's gotten to the point i cant. it's to heavy a burden to me, and so i weep. the only rest i find from this endless heartach is at my grandmothers, where i can talk to her and my soulsisters.
But even that doesnt work as it did last year. I am to stay home some weekends now, and so i suffer. And i'm drawn closer to that edge known as hate.
I'm scared of falling over that edge.
And the only question twisting whithen my heart is will it ever stop, or will i continue to feel these hurtful things?
I continue to wait for that answer, and i continue to cry. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2003|09:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
allright...i was told i havent updated in a while. so i'm updating. i'll do good news first before super ranting. School started a couple weeks ago and so far it's alright. i got to do a report on Hikaru-sama and...fun ness like that. i'm positive the office is trying to make my yearbook life hell. ~_~ they tried to mess me up twice. evil people. aside from that...nothing to much that's on the exciting/fun list. i'm still not sure what i think about going to Flordia over my birthday. dad said we could celebrate it when we get back but...still. it's my sixteenth birthday...not a birthday you want to celebrate a few days late, and not one *I* want to spend at Disney World. but it's the only time the Make a Wish foundation could come up with a time so...good bye sweet sixteen ne? decpite dad's reasurence it'll be all right when we do it later, it's still quite upsetting. i just hope i dont ball up there. Stacie'll get pretty affended, and thus the reason i've mainly remained silent with this problem. thus far, most everyone i HAVE talked to dont understand. they say a disney world birthday is ideal. *sighs* oh well. it cant be helped. nor can behelped the fact that i've come EXTREMELY close to the hating edge. My siblings, David and Krista primarily, have driven me that far. there are very few people i absolutely abpore(sp?) and those two have gotten dangeriously close to that list. they both finaly started acting a little decent yesterday afternoon but the only thing that really describes them is total, complete, sadistic manipulative gerks. and that's putting it lightly. they've driven me to cry alone more times then i can count now, partly cause dad gets real upset when i do start crying. he's cool, and try's to help when he can(like erasing David's YYH folder 'accidently') but...there are things he doesnt understand and he doesnt accept that. it's kinda hard...only being able to talk with the people who REALLY understand me on the weekends, and now, not always then. living in fear of doing something wrong, living in near hate over the stupidest things, just living the way i have been is torture. luckily, dad say's i'll be getting my room sooner, and that will help. after that, i have but three years until i leave.
there's the update. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 25th, 2003|04:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
i've kinda neglected this havent i? well for an update, NH came and went in the blink of an eye, a blink that i wish would last eternity. I had the BEST time in the world and miss it terribly, even if i've been gone but two days. I am also obsessing over two anime's Xeen showed me. ^_^() my family's going nuts. they thought they had me weened from it, HA! they jest. anyway other news is i'm leaving, again, for my family reunion. yey...i'm a little leery. we had a miny one at Kristen's wedding and it was the same there as it's always been. In my family, i'm not quite old enough, not quite young enough. *sighu* oh well, i'll work on my novel or something. 'nyway...updateness |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2003|05:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hyper | ] |
Hi!!! I'm back from camp, and it was great!! i had lots of fun and almost conquered my fear of hights! Go me! ^_^although...climbing five hundred feet into the air is....scary. *nodu* the ride down was fun though. i finally saw a cute guy here in the desert land!! unfortunently he's got some of the things i like in guys and he's taken. >.> It was also real scary cause one of my friends there tried to commit suicide. he swallowed ten ibprophens. it...was scary, but he threw it all up. fortunently...i was realy worried about him. aside from that, the only other big thing is the teens in my youth group finaly realilzed they were kinda being butt heads and...yeah. fixed things up...demo...Aron(sp) is acting...really weird. >.< oh well.
on i side note, i tried archery!! and i hit the bulls eye! and i shot the canvas bear in the butt. ^_^v it was fun. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 22nd, 2003|09:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
was able to sneek on the computer quickly. mom's wedding yesterday was...eventful. everything was running late and the bride was an hour and ten minutes late. >.> the groom only beat her by thirty minutes. then i got kinda ill at the reception. it was...eventful. the happier news though is i met Jose's aunt and uncle. they were great, and fun to talk with. even if they mostly spoke spanish. ~_~ will have to pull out my spanish notebook from school and study a bit. Jose's dad is suppsoed to come around the Fourth of July. also we have my ticket all aligned out to go to NH. I'm leaving the 15th and coming back the following tuesday. so yey ^_^ |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 18th, 2003|11:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
Finaly feeling better after my last post. >_< working on a war fic helps like that i think. anyway there's good and bad news. good news is we got a new dog! well...we're not really keepng her. she's kinda a rescue and we'll just get her socialized and leash broke, but it's still kewl! one more lab, alright!
bad news is i REALLY need Xeen's mom to email my dad. Xeen says she wont check her email. T_T please Cataldo-san! if she doesnt i dont get to go to NH and that would suck...royaly.
other then that...no real news. Jose's surgery's in two weeks and moms wedding is saturday...
need to practice that poem. >_ |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 14th, 2003|09:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
Today has been the WORST day in...a long while. the chat last night was WONDERFUL and i had a great time. i thought today would be could because of that. wrongo. >.> i really think somethings out to get me. for starters i started that monthly cicle of doom and misery. unfortunently for ME i didnt have any of my usual warnings and...any woman knows the mess of that. It's five days early for goodness sake!!! so that...sucked. i nearly ruined TWO pairs of shorts because of this. i'm (parden my language) PISSED off. today sucks. then i had to go to my little brother's b-day party. not that that's a bad thing, Matt can actually be a cuty(when he's not acting like a spoiled brat) but again everything seemed to go wrong. a: i got my hair re-colored today and Krista looked at me like i was an alien or something. >_< and every little thing my dad did seemed to twick me the wrong way and i started balling more times then i can count. my stepmom got ticked off with me....i dont even know why i was crying!! really i dont! it's just little things! like my cat got out of the room he i locked him in cause he was stepping in the paint and my dad told me to lock him up again and i started crying over that!! What is wrong with me?! anybody who can tell me?
Chi' i'm crying again and this is supposed to help. venting and all....i better go. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 14th, 2003|08:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
*yawn* sleepy. xeen and i chated till i think about 12:30 here. and star was there!! i havent got to chat with her in so long! it was nice to again. only her dad was being spooty and that upset her. XP i can kinda understand his reasoning demo...a kitten wont harm anything! trust me, i have a TON. well...our newest addition Ariel's a bit playfull but she's more moew then anything else. *sighu* anyway i'm bubbly about the chat. just...all around random bubbly.
and i also realized something last night. I have a hair fettish lately. o.O i'm not normaly one to have those but...i do. oh well!
Still really worried about Jose, my stepfather. not sure if i posted this yet or not but he has a brain tumor. he's had one before and pulled out of it but...i'm still really worried.
on a lighter note, mom is not pregnant with twins. that would have been really kewl, but she's not. the baby is due January 9th. what's scary is the kid's only gonna be like two to three when i leave home to go to collage. O.o.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 7th, 2003|12:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
I was just flipped off for my first time...
Stupid speedy guy. >_< hope he gets in a wreck...
wait..thats a little mean. i hope he see's the error of his ways and learns his lesson...
that sounds to merciful...
>_< i just hope he gets whats comin' to him. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 3rd, 2003|01:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
Havent posted since the last day of school, so obviously i'm out now. Summer's great...'cept it feels kinda weird not having homework or some empending test coming up tomorrow. I have good news though! Last night i got a letter saying i made it on the Who's Who Among American High School Students list. (didnt even know they had such a thing till i got the letter. ^^;;;) and...yeah. Oto-sama's really proud. So that made my day last night, and what's made my summer is i've actually found a time when i can go to NH and visit Xenia and Starwise! that was really kewl. ^_^ and finally for the good news, our cat Sirel had her kitten's last night. ^_^ they're so kawaii!! there's four white ones and one darker one. he's perty, and my fav. but it's just fun having new babies in the house. As for surprising news, My mother is pregnant, and expecting the new baby in January. It's kewl and all except with the new baby i'll be the oldest child of EIGHT! and trust me, it's not easy task. sometimes i wish i had just ONE older sibling, but i dont and it sucks. *pouts* oh well...anyway i'm babbling so i'll just go be bored or something. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 28th, 2003|08:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
YES! Finaly, school is out. well...not yet but all i have left is a movie tomorrow so it's all good and all but over. Finaly! although...free time is not something i'm used to and i was quite bored today with it. well...right until Stacie and Dad made me start digging a trench. >_< i dont recomend it as a fun excercise. 'specially if you live where *I* do and there's twenty billion rocks in the cursed soil. *snarlu* dumb rocks...why where they invented? it sucks majorly.
Also on a happy note, xenia and i are having a alnighter chat friday. ^_^ been way to long. anyway...yeah. just wanted to bounce a bit (though i dont have the energy to literaly bounce. Really i dont recomend drench digging)
till next time |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2003|05:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
Well...after two dead snakes, and a side view mirror torn off i've added two addition hours to my learners permit. T_T I'm traumatized for a while. My grandparents trusted me to dive there nice car(1990 something) and i was doing FINE! i'm not even sure if i killed one of those snakes and the other was dead before i ran over it again. but then we got back and i had to back the stupid thing into their garage, and that is when i got to close to the wall and tore the mirror off.
for those who think driving's just ever so much fun and not stressful at all, you're deluding yourself. and for those who are in such a hurry to drive, wait, calm down and LISTEN to your drivers ed teacher. trust me, it's more stress then fun. i'm going to go be traumatized now. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2003|04:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
Well...after two dead snakes, and a side view mirror torn off i've added two addition hours to my learners permit. T_T I'm traumatized for a while. My grandparents trusted me to dive there nice car(1990 something) and i was doing FINE! i'm not even sure if i killed one of those snakes and the other was dead before i ran over it again. but then we got back and i had to back the stupid thing into their garage, and that is when i got to close to the wall and tore the mirror off.
for those who think driving's just ever so much fun and not stressful at all, you're deluding yourself. and for those who are in such a hurry to drive, wait, calm down and LISTEN to your drivers ed teacher. trust me, it's more stress then fun. i'm going to go be traumatized now. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2003|06:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
Well, all my busy schedule for SCHOOL should be over with. My last choir concert was last thursday, and i'll not EVEN begen to go in to that or i'll rant for hours and i dont have time for that. Track's over, the award benquet was last night and all of school will be out next thursday. Unfortunently my summers just as busy.*pout*
anyway good news! at the dog show this past weekend our puppy Autumn got best in breed puppy the two days they had it! and she got fouth in group the second day in best in show puppy. it was exciting. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 10th, 2003|07:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
Yes! party time, Track is over, all i have left is my choir concert next week then i'm set to go...till schools out. ~_~ you'd think summer vaca would be slow, and you do nothing. wrongo...I have to go to two family reunions, go to new hampshire for another sorta family reunion(soulsisters count in family) then i have a camp to go to AND three weddings. not to mention my dad wants to send me to taos to my uncle for some training in track. T_T i'll never rest!!!
On a happyer note, i found the most hilarious group of LJers. I've been there before, but i didnt have my own LJ.*shrug* *snickers* they're funny as heck. I'd LOVE to see Hiei in submissive goth, that would be worth marking on the calender. though i pity Kuwa-chan. he didnt really DO anything this time.*shrugs* oh well. to bad i dont live in japan, i could visit them. ^_^ |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 7th, 2003|09:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
O.O wow i didnt think my coming into LJ would be so big. thus far i've been flying tackle glomped, and now pounced. not to mention the many ! after my welcomings. *blink blink* oh well. and XP i only have 16 days left of school, not counting weekends. ^_^ i be happy. and track ends saturday even so after next week all i have is karate as extra. tis cool. |
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